


Written into your skin.

by wormdelivre



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Avengers Tower, Clint swears a lot, Deaf Clint Barton, M/M, Minor Natasha Romanov/Sam Wilson, Minor Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Soulmates, pizza dog - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-06-01 20:46:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6535648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wormdelivre/pseuds/wormdelivre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a universe where what ever you write on your own skin appears on the skin of your soulmate, it should be easy to find them. Clint Barton never got a message or anything from his soulmate, so he was sure he didn't have one.</p><p>James "Bucky" Barnes aka the Winter Soldier has no idea what the scribbles and pattern that appear on his skin form time to time means, but he like and enjoys them and it's the only thing he never forgets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this story came from this tumblr post: http://let-gavin-free.tumblr.com/post/117673589548/soulmate-au-where-when-you-write-something-on-your
> 
> In which canon universe is this story? None. Its a mix between the Movies and different Comics. The timeline is mostly from the movies. After the Winter Soldier, but Age of Ultron and Civil War will never happen.

Tasha knows everything about Clint. She knows why a pen on his skin relaxes him, she knows where the scars come from if it weren't enough. She didn't know him back then, but he told her about it. He told her everything just like she shared everything with her. The team knows that they are close but they still think Natasha has her secrets but not with Clint.

 

He knows about her training, about every single little detail she remembered, her time working for the red room; everything until the day they met. When you’re not sure if you or your partner will survive the night, you start talking. Like that hellish night in Budapest. Tasha talked while she patched him up, and sat by the couch waiting to see if he'd survive it. He did of course.

 

They used to talk about everything, but it's been a year and he hadn't said a word about Loki. SHIELD went down because of HYDRA and Natasha had been shot. He has to tell her everything before she gets in trouble again without him.

 

That's why they are sitting here now, in Clint's room on his couch. Tasha sits across from him legs folded, his right arm on her thigh and a pen in her hand. Before he even can start to talk she draws the first pattern on his arm. Not many people know that Natasha is as good as an artist as Steve, but while the Captain's drawing look like reality banned on paper, her drawings were much more abstract; mostly patterns, geometrical figures and such things.

 

The archer had just told her about memories of working with Loki, and how bad the part of his brain that still was his had felt, when he looked on his arm and there was the Avengers logo together with his own target. Tony had put it on one of his uniforms as a joke, but the media had seen it and now it was on all his merchandise. He complains a lot about it to Tony, but Tasha of course knew he secretly loves it. While he continued, the spaces between the logo became filled more and more.

 

* * *

 

Hundreds of miles away in a safe house, the Winter Soldier keeps starring on his right arm while it fills with this amazing drawings again. Drawings from his soulmate, as he now knows.

 

For the longest time he had no idea what it was. His handler couldn't hide it from him because sometimes they were everywhere- on his arms, his thighs, his stomach. No chance to hide it. But they never told him what it was. In this new century with the internet and computers, it wasn't too hard to sneak into an internet café and find out what it meant. Soulmate.

 

He wonders who this person was, who's soul was bound to him. How can he still have a soul after all that he’s done? And that's only the things he remembers. Would they still like him? Would they still even think he exists even if he never wrote anything. He really wanted to write them something, anything, but how can he when he don't know who he really is, what else he has done, who this Steve Rogers from the museum is.

 

So he doesn’t write. But he enjoys the patterns on his skin. It's the pretty ones again. Not the messy scribbles he got so used to over the years. For as long as he remember them, they were messy and never really showed any sense. Though often it looks like someone starts drawing the veins on the inner side of the wrist. Than from one day to another, the scribbles stopped for almost three years.

 

He felt lost. He still hadn’t known what they meant back then, but they had become part of him. So when finally again ink appeared on his skin he felt almost happy. But it wasn't anything as the old ones. These drawings had patterns and sense, like real artwork. Since then, the messy scribble came back only once. He was in Asia at that time, and the news were still filled with some attack on New York that had happened shortly before.

 

The Soldier keeps starring on the ink of his arm. This A in a circle, he has seen it somewhere before. And there are more circles. Thought they look more like a -- like a target. He has seen this A on kids toys when he grabbed some groceries from a store. One of the toys had a target on them too, he's sure of it.

 

He's back in the safe house with an action figure in his hands. A blonde guy in a black uniform, with a purple target on his shoulder, a bow in his hands and a quiver over his shoulder. "Hawkeye" says the package. The A means "Avengers", who or whatever that is. Time to use Google again.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a Sunday evening. Natasha, Sam, and Steve were still on a SHILED mission, and the rest of the Avengers somewhere else. Tony and Clint were the only one left in the tower and were currently in Tony’s workshop to test the new hearing aids. They worked well, only slightly better than the old ones, but whenever; Tony was bored and Steve wasn't around so he would try to make better ones. Clint wouldn’t complain. While he checked them out in the mirror, he could see Tony scribble something on his left arm and and seconds later grin at the answer. Clint tried to ignore the short ache in his chest. He had long ago accepted that he didn’t have soulmate, but that didn’t meant it never hurt.

“What’s with the face, Legolas? Is anything wrong with the aids?” Tony came the few steps closer to Clint and he could see that his arm was now covered in some long text. Steve had way too much time on this mission.

“Nah, they're perfect as always.”

“What is it then?”

And Clint didn’t know why he answered honestly instead of cracking a joke as he almost always did. “Did I ever tell you that I don’t have a soulmate? I accepted it a long time ago and it was fine for a while. I had a best friend, Tasha, and enough of stuff going on in my life. Now all of you guys have a mate, even Tasha, and I’m the loner again.” He regretted it as soon as it left his mouth, normally he never talked about it with anyone besides Natasha.

“And did you know that I was in your shoes until one year ago? Steve was frozen for the majority of my life. I thought I don’t have a mate, and now? I got the best one I could have imagined and I don’t deserve him, but here we are. You’ll find your partner too.”

“I know you mean well but do you really think that if there were another human popsicle out there they would be my soulmate?”

 

* * *

 

 

Clint Barton, former SHIELD Agent, now full time Avenger. The Winter Soldier had found out a lot about this guy in the last few hours. At first he thought his soulmate might be just a fan of the superhero, but then he had found Barton’s twitter account and a picture, dated just a week ago, of a napkin covered in the exact same art style.

The caption read “Tasha always needs to draw on things.”

He didn’t know who Tasha was, but the artist either is his soulmate or has drawn on his soulmate. Either way it was clear that Barton knew his mate, and Barton works and lives with Steve Rogers, the guy from his last mission, the guy that called him Bucky.

He had done a lot of research about Steve Rogers, aka Captain America, and his best friend James Buchanan Barnes. He really looked like Barnes, not that he could remember being him. Maybe he should just go to that ugly tower and ask Rogers if he is sure about him being this Bucky. Maybe he would find his soulmate there.

It wasn’t that he suddenly had the urge to have one. He only wanted to tell the person “sorry for never writing you.” If the internet was true, then  it was the standard to talk via skin long before meeting in person. He never did that and he regretted it now. The messy scribbles of his mate had often looked like he had felt and he didn’t wish anyone to feel like that. He really owed them an apology, so what was stopping him from it? Saying sorry in person was maybe the more polite and less shocking way but who said he really could find them at the Avengers tower. He would write them one thing, somewhere where they had to see it. With a glance on the clock of the stolen laptop he saw it was already 4 am. They had to be in bed now so they would see it when they woke up.

 

* * *

  

Slowly Clint woke up. It was one of the first times in weeks he slept through the night. No one came to wake him either so he felt well rested. The clock on his nightstand showed 10 am so most of the others would be awake and in the common area already. He'd better take a shower before joining them. He walked into his bathroom, still half asleep, when something in the mirror caught his attention. Someone had written “Sorry” in big letters on his forehead.

 

“JARVIS, who were in my room last night?” 

His hearing aids were still in his bedroom so JARVIS switched on a little display built in his mirror to write his answers there.

_No one was in your room._

“You sure? Someone wrote something on my head during the night!”

_I can assure you there was no one in your apartment during the night._

“Send Natasha over!”

 

While he waits for Tasha he tries to wash it off. It’s not working. Not even a little bit. Did someone write it with a waterproof pen? Hopefully not, it was still too early for that shit.

He walked back into his bedroom to grab his hearing aids before Tasha arrived.

 “What’s that on your head?” she asked before she even closed the door behind her.

“I don’t know? It was on my head when I woke up. JARVIS says he is sure no one was in my room during the night. But how would it come here otherwise? And I can’t remove it with water and soap. That fucker used something waterproof”, he explained to her.

 

She opened her mouth to say something but instead closed it again. Then she started talking again.

“Clint. You know who’s writing can appear on your skin without someone being in your room and with ink you can’t remove yourself. Don’t act dumber than you are.”

“Tasha, you don’t really think after all those year I suddenly have a soulmate? And they’re sorry? For never writing me back no matter how much I begged for an answer? Yeah, sure!” Clint answered angry, fighting the hope that he might have a mate after all.

Tasha takes his hand, which he had balled into a fist and opened it.

 

“Clint, try an answer. One last time, if it’s from your soulmate, good, if not, we get you some alcohol from Steve to clean your head. He has some to clean of his special colors. Write in on your face too. Maybe there is a reason they choose it.”

Somewhere, she got a pen for him and pushed into his hand.

“Go in the bathroom with the mirror. I’ll stay here.”

Clint really didn’t wanted to get his hopes up again but it was easier to do what Natasha said than thinking about what to do.

 

Again in the bathroom and in front of the mirror he thought about what he should write. Sorry, that’s what they said, after all those years. If it’s them. He shouldn’t be too nice. In the end he wrote under the sorry and on both cheeks, “Wash that shit down I need to go outside.”

 

For 5 minutes he stared into the mirror, waiting, hoping anything would happen. Nothing.

But before he finally turned away, there was an “OK” on his left cheek before the big “Sorry” finally faded out.

  
Holy shit. He had a fucking soul mate.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh okay so today there is a little bit of Natashas POV and how they met and its matching absolutley no canon...

The alarm went off at six o’clock.  The Winter Soldier wasn’t sure when his soulmate was going to wake up and he need to see the answer immediately so he stayed in front of the mirror with the history book he was currently reading. Something about feminism in the last century.

Finally, shortly after ten in the morning writing started to appear on his cheeks.

“Wash that shit down I need to go outside.”

He stared at it. That was his answer? After years he finally let them know he existed and that's what he gets? Maybe he didn't deserve more. Maybe they didn't even want to know why he was silent for so long. Maybe they simply didn't care anymore, and if he was honest with himself he wasn't sure he deserved more.

During the days he often had flashbacks, things he had done for Hydra. Flashbacks of the people he had tortured and killed, and during the nights he had nightmares of an underground labor with a metal chair. He knew he couldn't feel pain in dreams but his brain remembered it and that was more than enough. When we woke up, the gun was in his hand and the knife stuck in the wall opposite his bed.

Finally after what felt like an eternity he scribbled a little "OK" under the writing and started to wash his apology down.  His soulmate’s text stayed where it was. That didn't really make any sense. If they needed to go outside why let it stay there?

 

 After another ten minutes the pretty patterns started on his right arm again. The Winter Soldier was confused. They knew he existed now. They clearly didn't want anything to do with him, but now they draw something again? His gaze followed every new line when he finally noticed that hidden in the pattern was a single word in a completely different handwriting than the words on his cheeks.

"Why?"

 

* * *

 

A fucking soulmate, after all this years. That can't be real. Maybe it was a trick from Loki. Yes, a trick from Loki seemed more possible to Clint than suddenly having a real soulmate.

Loki. 

He couldn't.

Not again.

He couldn't again be controlled by Loki.

"Natasha" he wanted to shout for her. But it was barely audible.

 

She still came into the bathroom to him. As always, he could count on her.

He needed to tell her that it was Loki. She must make sure he wouldn't hurt anyone again.

Not again.

 "Loki" was all he managed to say.

\---

"Miss Romanoff, Mister Barton tried to call for you in the bathroom. He seems to need your help." JARVIS voice came from the ceiling and Natasha rushed in the other room.

Clint was sitting on the floor, his face as pale as the wall behind him, eyes wide open but not really focused.

"Clint? Clint! Talk to me! What's wrong?" but she knew before she finished her question.

It was not the first time her best friend had a panic attack, she knew his symptoms and how to deal with it. Clint got complete catatonic, didn't move an inch and didn't seem to hear or see anything.

"L..L..ki" his voice was hoarse and quiet.

 

But she understood. Loki. Something reminded him of the Asgardian god and had triggered the panic attack. On his forehead, the apology was gone but his writing was still there.

For now it didn't matter what set him off, it was important to get him out of it. In the past the best thing was drawing on his skin and talking. So she pulled out the pen, she always carried with her, and started a pattern on his right arm.

"Clint, it's Monday morning and you are in the Avengers Tower. Kate will be here in a few hours to bring you Lucky back. Remember, she took him on holiday with her and America to get him out of the city for two weeks. Then the two of you will have a shooting contest and I'm sure you will let her win again. Bruce is back and will cook a dinner for us and it’s movie night today. What movie do you think Tony will show Steve today? He sure needs a lot more,  to have seen the important ones."

She continued talking about the movies they might watch today and about the team in general. While she talked she wrote a word for Clint's soulmate."Why?" Clint maybe didn't want to, but she needed to know. He might be angry for now but she knew that anger would cool down and then he would want to get to know them. Having someone whose soul matches with your own means you are born with the best friend you could imagine and Clint sure needs another friend. He gets along really good with the team, calls them his family but she was still the only one he trusted completely, despite the way she came into his life.

The day Natasha met Clint for the first time, she knew she had been followed for quite some time. It ended with her pointing a gun at him and him pointing an arrow at her. An arrow. She never had an arrow pointed at her, who even used them anymore, but she knew that the guy was one of the good ones, sent to kill her. She should let him do it.

It had been a while since she knew that she was one of the bad ones.

 

"You can be one of the good ones too, Nat. You just have to do the right thing."

 Her soulmate had written these words to her and had let them stay for over two days. 

Maybe this was her chance to do the right thing, like they said, maybe this was her end. She let the gun fall onto the concrete. For a moment, the guy lowered his bow, lowered it enough, for her to kill him with one of her throwing knives, if she had wanted to. She didn't. Instead Natasha waited for him to kill her but the guy relaxed, and stuck the arrow back in his quiver, then he made a few steps in her direction and raised his hand for a handshake.

"Clint Barton. And you are Natalia Romanova right? The famous Black Widow?"

 

Clint spared her life back then and she never let him down for it. She changed her name to Natasha Romanoff and worked for SHIELD together with the archer. They became best friends, got to know each other. She learnt what his scars meant, and that back then his soulmate never had written or drawn anything. She couldn’t imagine how that must have felt. For a long time she didn’t know much about her own either, because she tried to keep them as far away from the red room as possible. They talked sometimes since the moment, she has learnt to write English and in the letters of the west. Often she just enjoyed their scribbles on her arm, full of notes for homework, when to meet a friend and other things her soulmate didn’t want to forget.  She never wrote much about her daily life but instead started drawing patterns and figures on her skin. Mostly on her legs so her trainers wouldn’t see them.

During her first time at SHIELD she thought, her and Clint could be a thing, a couple. Soulmates weren’t always meant to be romantic together and why search for someone when she had Clint? They tried to be a couple for half a year until they decided, it wouldn’t work. So they stayed best friends, and partners in combat, Strike Team Delta, inseparable.

Then the Avengers happened, Loki happened, and Clint started to drift away from her. He couldn’t sleep for more than four hours at once, he had nightmares about Loki and what he did under the control of the god and sometimes he had panic attacks, whenever something reminded him too much of Loki. She tried her best to be there for him, to be the friend he needed but he shut her out and never really talked about what he could remember.

Then the crash of SHIELD and the Winter Soldier happened and put her life at risk, but she also found her own soulmate. It was a rather strange experience, walking into the house of a stranger together with Steve and finding a photo of her drawings on dark skin in the living room of said stranger. Sam Wilson. She waited until the whole thing was over, and they were both sitting in Steve's hospital room waiting for him to wake up again.

She wrote "Falcon?" on her left arm and saw it on his.

When they got back to the tower it only took Clint a week to finally talk with her about Loki. Knowing what happened helped her helping him with his panic attacks. Like this one now.

 

Her talking calmed him, she could hear how his breathing sounded less hectic, and of course the pen on his skin.  While she was in distracted by her thoughts and talking to Clint, an answer had started to appear on his  right arm. Why always the right one? Were they left handed?   
  
"For the longest time I didn't know what the ink on my skin meant. That someone else painted in there. When I finally found out I thought my mate wouldn't want to get to know me. They deserve better than me! You are not them right? Your handwriting is so different from the words on my head."   
  
"That's right, I'm their best friend and they are too distracted right now to talk to you but I'm doing it for them. You said you never knew about the drawing but I knew they wrote you questions about why you never answered. They wrote you about their day. So tell my why did you never answer those?" While she wrote her text the soulmate's already vanished.

"Questions? There never were questions or any words before.. Except. If they had used the left arm. I can't see anything that's on the left arm because.. I can't see anything that's there."   
  
They couldn't see things on their left hand?

Well that was something for later she had enough answers and Clint seemed to come back from his panic attack.

  
"Tasha? Loki. It’s not my soulmate it’s Loki." His voice was low but clear. 

"No, Clint no." She took him into a hug. "They wrote more with me shortly. But that's nothing to talk about for now. You want me to bring you back to bed?"

He always was tired after a panic attack.

  
"You wrote with them? They are real? What?... Yeah, no, not thinking about that, back to bed." he really sounding tired.    
  
Natasha got on her feet and helped Clint up. He swung an arm over her shoulder and they went back to his bedroom and into his bed. Tasha sat at the head with Clint lying next her, his head in her lap. Carefully she took his hearing aids out and started to comb her fingers through his hair. He sighed heavily before closing his eyes to doze off. Natasha took her pen out again to write on her own skin a message to Sam. "Clint and I will be late for breakfast." 

She didn't need to explain more to him, and she was really grateful to have found him. She only hoped that Clint would at least find another best friend in his soulmate!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for being two days late (in my time zone) I just didn't had the change to turn on my pc!

No answer. Two hours after he told them that he has no left arm and still no answer.  
He didn't know what to do. His soulmate didn't want to talk to him, obviously, but instead of telling him as much they let their best friend talk to him and now they ignore him again.He shouldn't have contacted them in the first place and maybe he should forget them again. Forget the idea that his soulmate might be the only person in this world who doesn't completely hate him. Because they do, and he totally understands that.

  
A look at the clock showed him he should probably eat something.  
While he waited for the microwave to be ready he wondered if he should remove his writing when new words appeared. Again not in his soulmate’s handwriting.  
"You are the Winter Soldier, right?"

Shit. They knew it. Well he should have thought about it before. Missing a left arm, not being informed about the one thing everyone knows about, and some of them fought against him just a few months ago.Should he try to lie? No, no point in denying it but he really didn't want to confirm it either.

  
"Why am I writing with the best friend again?"  
"Because someone here can't write on their right arm and you can't read stuff on your left arm. I'm just writing what I'm told."   
He waited for the writing to be washed down again before starting an answer but new text appeared.   
"Gonna use the right lower leg."  
He pulled his right pant leg up and waited.  
The next scribble was his soulmate messy handwriting again.  
"You happy now? So did you tried to kill my best friend (cute redhead) in Washington DC or not?"  
How do you answer such a question?

"Guilty, I guess?"  
"Aw, mate!"  
What kind of reaction was that? For fuck’s sake his soulmate was weird.  
But there is still was one important question left.

"What are we gonna do now?"  
“Are you gonna try to kill her again?”  
“NO!!”  
“How about Steve?”  
“No.”  
“Than we are fine I guess.”  
“You are the weirdest person I ever met.”  
“A, you haven’t even met me, and b, says the guy with the racoon makeup.”

He couldn’t hold the laugh in anymore. All these years he never wrote them back and now they just rolled with it and joked with him. It was so much more than he deserved but he wouldn’t back away again if they were “fine” with it.

“You may have a point there. So you know who I am. Who are you?”  
“Clint Barton. Walking disaster. Do you have a name or do you go by Winter Soldier?”  
"Don't know. The Russians gave me the name Winter Soldier. But I did some research since DC. Looks like I‘m James Barnes, famous best friend of Steve Rogers, better known as Captain America.  There are a lot of history nerds out there who know my life better than me. Don’t really remember a lot about the time with Rogers.”

His leg was now full of text so he went to the bathroom to grab a towel, held it under the water and started to clean his writing while Clint wrote an answer. Clint. His soulmate was a “superhero” with a bow and lived with two of the people he tried to kill. Fun.

“Yeah, yeah we all know about your former life here too. Even before you showed up Steve tended to tell us old war stories about the Howling Commandos, but you know, you can go by whatever name you want.”

“The only one who is going to use my name is you, so pick one.” 

The soldier didn’t want to make the decision. Since he left HYDRA all he did all day was make his own decisions and he’d had enough of it. For almost 70 years he lived by the rules of others. First the Russians, than HYDRA.  Only on missions did he ever choose what to do by himself, but that was more muscle memory than really making decisions. It didn’t matter to him what others called him at that time, and it didn’t matter now.

“I dunno, man. I kinda like James. Yeah, let’s call you James. So James, you know Steve is still searching for you? For now only me and Natasha know that you are my soulmate. Tasha won’t tell anyone by the way, not even her mate. You tried to kill him too. He is still mad at you for breaking his wing. Tony was happy to build him a completely new set, though. Anyway, Steve is looking for you.”

A guy with wings? It took James a minute to remember him, and then he felt guilty. He not only tried to kill his best friend but also two friends of his soulmate. He couldn’t go to them, after what he did in Washington. While he thought about how to tell that to Clint, the paragraph on his leg vanished, making space for him to write an answer.

 

“I can’t. I tried to kill them and I was a prisoner long enough. I just want to live and not have to kill anyone anymore.  To not have people mess with my mind all the time. “

“Yeah, having someone else in your mind is the worst. Been there, done that. Let’s make a deal. Even if you tried to kill my best friend you are my soulmate right? It’s hard to be mad at you. So you want a place to live in peace? I’ll give you the coordinates to my safe house. No one in the tower or at SHIELD knows about it, except Natasha of course. It is all legal, bills are paid always on time and I don’t have any neighbours. I’ll get you a credit card, and you can use the PC there to order all the stuff you need online. “

 

Living in Clint’s safe house?  A place for him alone where no one bothered him. That sounded too good to be true but he was sick of stealing money to afford the motel or breaking into the home of others to stay there for a few days.  The owner of the house he was currently in was on vacation for the next two weeks, but he didn’t plan to stay so long. Someone would come to check on the house. Maybe he should give it a try.

 

“Are you sure the tech genius you are living with won’t find me?”

“Stark? No. He is too busy with finding you to check on my finances, and the credit card is linked to another bank account he doesn’t know of. Well he would find it out if he wanted to, but why should he? Besides his company keeps him busy, too, and Steve makes sure he gets enough sleep and everything. So he really doesn’t check on me anymore.  And the only way we communicate is over skin. Not even Stark’s super AI can track THAT. “

“Sounds good. Thank you, Clint.”

**“** 42°49'19.1"N 75°42'44.1"W. There you go. The road ends in front of another house. And there is also a huge box where they deliver packages so you don’t actually have to meet the delivery people.”

After that Clint didn’t write more and Bucky looked up the spot of the safe house online.  It was near Syracuse, New York, hidden from plain sight thanks to the trees surrounding it.  A little pond was just a few miles away. The house itself wasn’t visible on google maps so he should be safe there.

He turned the laptop down, and stored it back where he found it, packed his few belongings and made sure he left no traces. He had picked the lock so careful no one should know he was in here. The next person to open the door hopefully just thought they had forgotten to lock it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh a little slow chapter after the angst of the former one. Also, you can totally enter the coordinates into Google Maps and check out the place where the house should be!


	5. Chapter 5

It was a long drive in a stolen car, but James felt some sort of excitement because for the first time in months, he had a plan and a place to go to. Twice he needed to stop and fill the tank before he hit the road again. He was almost out of stolen money, so he hoped Clint would get him the credit card soon.  When he finally drove the last miles to the house it was night again, and he felt tired from driving so long. In front of him the road ended, and to his right, a side path led deeper in the forest. Next to the path was some kind of metal box with a house number on it and a key in the lock. 

James stopped the car in front of it, got out, and opened the box. Two huge packages and one very small one were already in there. He loaded them into the car, then closed the box and locked it again. Then he drove down the path towards the safe house. When he stood in front of the door, he thought about how he should open it. He should ask Clint.

“How do I open the door?”he wrote on his right arm.

“Small package,” came the answer back a few seconds later.

He went back to the car and opened the package and a pair of keys fell into his hands. Quickly he opened the door, put all his stuff and the two big packages in the house and then he took a look around. From the outside it looked like the stereotypical american house: two floors, white painted and a white fence in front. 

Inside it was bright and nicely furnished. The kitchen and the living room were inside one big room, and in the back was a library with a big computer desk and next to it a guest room. Upstairs was a big bedroom, mostly in purple and black,  another guest room and  a small bathroom. The big bedroom had its own bigger bathroom so James decided to stay in that room. The colors were something he had to get used to but that didn’t really bother him. He threw his duffelbag on the double bed and went back down into the living room to open the two big packages. It turned out they were full of all kinds of groceries. There was milk, eggs, flour, noodles, rice, ham, cheese, bread, butter and various fruits and vegetables.  There were also two cookbooks in the second package. 

Clint clearly wanted to make sure he had enough to eat before he got his credit card and could order food for himself. 

“Thanks for all the food.”

“No problem, bro.”

While he stuffed all the food in the fridge and in cupboards he found a to-do list pinned with a magnet to the fridge. It seemed to be all the stuff that needed to be done and repaired in the house. Maybe he should help with these things as a sort of payment as he would use Clint’s money in the mean time to buy everything he needs. For now he would eat something cold for supper. 

 

* * *

James had arrived at the safe house, according to his messages, and Clint didn’t know what he had done. 

For years and years Clint never heard anything from his soulmate, and when he did, it turned out to be the man who tried to kill Clint's best friend, her mate and Clint's team leader. And still, Clint was as helpful and friendly as possible. He gave the guy access to his safe house, his secret bank account and orders food for him per express and lets the keys get delivered per express. Was he out of his mind? 

He had wanted to cancel all the orders and the key delivery and send the police or Steve to the house, but then Tasha had dragged him down to the gym, to spar a little bit and play the old game of “who-can-hit-more-moving-targets”. She with her knives, he with his bow. The exercise has calmed and cleared his mind, something he desperately needed after the revival of his soulmate and his panic attack.  

After a shower he knew his decision to let James stay in the house was the right one. Being soulmates still meant something. It meant that your souls match, that you are connected, that you are similiar to each other. If one person is a good person at their heart, their soul mate can’t be a bad person. 

James couldn’t be worse than him and Clint believed him when he said he didn’t want to kill anymore, just have peace in his life and in his mind. That’s a thing Clint just understands too well.

Living peaceful in the house was his first plan after Loki went back to Asgard, but as always it was Natasha who stopped him. He was entirely grateful for listening to her because he doesn’t want to know what would have happened to him alone out there with his nightmares and panic attacks. 

 

In the tower there was always someone around. Most of them had nightmares and the kitchen was never empty. Since the few who fought Loki moved into the tower, more people joined the Avengers.  Carol Danvers, better known as Captain Marvel and her girlfriend, Jessica Drew aka Spiderwoman, were the newest members. The Parker boy started an internship at Stark Industries until Steve found out that he was Spiderman and convinced him to stay in the tower. He was already nineteen but you still could sometimes think Steve and Tony are his parents, the way they talk and act with him. 

He still wasn’t the youngest in the team; no, Clint brought in the youngest. Kate Bishop. She was like a sort of trainee or sidekick. Lately she had really proven herself in the field and for small missions he had let her fight with the team on her own. She and America, another young member, really knew how to take care of themselves. 

It was the right decision for him to stay, but James? The guy clearly needed less people around and some time to sort his mind out. Clint probably should tell Steve that he knew where he was, but then Tony would have a reason to look into his stuff and then he would find everything. So nope, his soulmate will be his and Tasha’s secret for now. 

Clint’s thoughts were interrupted by a cold wet nose pressing against his leg. He looked away from the computer screen to see Lucky standing next to him. Kate and America were waiting by the door, Kate clearly knowing that he didn’t wear his hearing aids alone in his room in front of the computer. Quickly he put them in and turned them on.

“Hey Hawkeye, how was the vacation?” he asked her, already turning to Lucky to pet him and the dog flopped down so he could get a belly rub.

**“** Nice. We’ll tell you tomorrow, it is super late already. We just wanted to bring the mutt up to you. He had a lot of fun with us but totally missed you. See ya in the morning.” Then she and America disappeared again. Clint thought they were weird until he took a look at the clock, four in the morning, maybe not so weird after all.

 

He switched the PC off, took his aids out again and went to his bedroom, Lucky on his heels. With the dog half sprawled over him, he immediately fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more calm chapter for you guys. Thanks for all the kudos and comments you guys are the best <3


	6. Chapter 6

Two days later James’ new credit card arrived, shiny and silver “Platinum” was written on the front and the name was actually James Barnes. It was common enough after all. These last two days were like being in paradise for him. He didn’t need to run, didn’t need to do anything he didn’t want to and he could go for walks in the forest and around the lake. It helped clear his mind after his nightmares and flashbacks, which happened very often now. One moment, he was walking through the forest that surrounded his new home, when he thought he saw some blonde fur out of the corner of his eyes. The blonde reminded him of something else and he was thrown back into the time before the war. It was dark outside and he was lying in his bed, a smaller body pressed against him to keep the cold away. The only thing he could saw was the blonde hair of the person.

He was back in the present again. He sat on the earth and heard a noise, as if a dog like creature moved through the nature. It was quite some distance away from him, but for his super hearing, this was no problem. Was there a wolf pack in this part of the state? James wasn’t afraid of them, no, he had a knife in his left boot, a gun in his right and another knife under his jacket, but he doesn’t want to have to use them against an animal, especially not against wolves. Back in Russia they were everywhere and he never had a problem with them.

He stood up and went back to the house, where another flashback hit him. The same blonde hair again and it belonged to a kid, no, a scrawny man, he realized after said man turned around. He saw the other man open his mouth to say something but then it was over again.

During the next weeks it got worse. In the nights, he dreamed of the people he killed, slaughtered would be the better description, and during the day he had flashbacks to the time before the war and during the war. He now knew who the scrawny man was, Steve Rogers, who later became Captain America, his best friend which he tried to kill. The calmness from the first day vanished, he was sleep deprived because of the nightmares, and had sore muscles from the flashbacks. They always ended on the floor, even when he was on a ladder before. He hadn’t really injured himself yet, and it wasn’t like the serum couldn’t heal it, but it made him more nervous and even more tired. Maybe he should talk about it with Clint.

* * *

 

 

It was two weeks since James moved into his safe house and Clint hadn’t heard or better read anything from him since then. The only way he still knew his mate was there, was from the purchases he did.

Mostly groceries and clothes but also the materials he had written down on his to-do list for repairing the fence and the roof of the barn. James probably had found that list and started to repair things.  He also bought two of Clint’s favorite books, which was strange because he already had them in his library. What Clint also didn’t understand was the new plates and glasses the other one ordered. Did he plan on inviting people into the house? Something was going on but he didn’t plan to look into it.

It was three in the morning and he was alone in the communal kitchen after another nightmare woke him up. The coffee machine was running while he stood in front of the freezer, searching for ice cream. Finally in the last drawer he found it and took the whole tub out and sat on the kitchen counter eating it directly out of the tub. With a pen that’s lying around he scribbles something on his right arm. No words or anything just circles. He didn’t even thought for a second about James, he forgot that there now was someone who saw this things.

 

“Can’t sleep too, huh?” Appeared on his hand, so he start writing on his leg again.

“Yeah. Nightmares. What about you?”

“Same. I fear closing my eyes but to be honest, I like them more than the flashbacks. Nightmares just wake me up. The flashbacks during the day let me fall of a ladder. Or ruin your dishes. I ordered new stuff though. Shit. I’m sorry. Dunno why I’m telling you all of these things. If you have nightmares too, you sure have different problems than me. “ James wrote on his arm so Clint had space to answer on the leg.

“It’s okay, bro. Isn’t that the whole point of soul mates? That you always understand each other because your souls belong together?”

“I have no idea. I know about this soul mate stuff only for a few years now. And only what I found online. Which didn’t really help with my guilt about killing people. Anyway. Wanna tell me why you can’t sleep?”

“Not really, no. Maybe another time. Anyway I think I hear the elevator."

 

He didn't want to talk to James about his nightmare and about Loki in general but someone was really coming. He hadn't heard it, Tony's tech was to quiet and he hadn't his aids in anyway but JARVIS had let him know with a quick message on the counter. Tony made sure they could contact Clint all the time without his aids, after he found out, that Clint preferred not to wear them all the time.

 

“Long time no see, Tony. You sleep better lately don’t you?” he asked him without thinking much about it. Tony looks at him confused before he seems to understand something.

_“Uhh. Yeah. Not many know I,t but having your soulmate physically around helps with the PTSD nightmares and panic attacks and stuff. It doesn’t cure it of course but you have less of the symptoms and you recover faster after it. But when Steve isn’t around it’s even worse for me. Enough of the talking, where is my coffee.”_ JARVIS wrote out for Clint.

While Tony drank the coffee straight from the pot, Clint was in his thoughts. His nightmares were so bad lately and since the panic attack in the bathroom over James first contact, he had another three. James had nightmares too and flashbacks which made him fall off a ladder and break stuff. If being around each other would help them, they need to try it. He would talk with Tasha about it in the morning and then drive over to his house.

  
Natasha was disappointed in herself for not thinking about this before, but also told Clint to not write James that he'll visit or James might run away.  
Tony wondered why Clint was leaving for a while, as he took Lucky with him he couldn't say it was a mission,  but Steve would return today from another search after the Winter Soldier, so he soon would be distracted enough to not wonder about the archers behavior.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sounds like the boys will meet soon, huh?
> 
> Okay please let me tell you, that Tony loves nothing more than to help his teammates, his family, to be as comfortable as possible, and if that means he has to install holo montiors almost everywhere than you can bet your ass he will. 
> 
> Also I'm not sure I have mentioned that already but beings soulmates doesn't mean you have to become a couple. If your soulmates lives on the otherside of the fucking world no one expects you to turn your life around to find them and live with them. Which makes soulbound couples even more awesome and respected. Also random fact, Thor and Jane are a couple but not soul mates. Asgardians don't have soul mates like we earthlings. And Jane's lives somewhere else and they are best friends of course but thats it.
> 
> Enough of the talking, I'm sorry!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooooo sorry.   
> I know I haven't updated in a while but I got a job since I started writing and with that my writing time was a lot shorter and so was my energy.   
> Just know that I'm still working on this story it will just take a lot longer now before you get new chapters. I'm sorry..

Clint took the car Tony gave him when he moved into the tower, and drove to a parking garage near his apartment in Bed Stuy to change to his own car. Steve and Tony would be disappointed in him, if they knew, how much he still hid from them. It wasn't that he didn't trusted them with his life, no, the Avengers were his family, he would give his life for them, but in his,  and also Natasha's, line of work you learned to always have a backup plan. No matter how much you trust someone, you always had a backup plan. He even had one place to go which even Natasha didn’t know about, and he was sure she kept one safe place secret from him too.   
  
During the 5 hour ride to the house, Clint had a lot of time to think what he should tell James, while Lucky slept most of the time on the back seats.  
"You have nightmares, I have nightmares. Being with your soul mate should help. I know it's awkward but I really just want a night full of sleep?"  
Something like that should do it he hoped, if not he would have embarrassed himself while meeting James for the first time and it couldn’t go worse from that, but he guessed the other would appreciate the directness.   
  
In Syracuse they stopped for a lunch, and Clint bought some dog food he forgot to bring. He had no idea how long he would stay but he at least should have something for a few days. If he stayed longer he would order it online. Nervously he searched for another reason to stay longer in the city but didn’t found one so he continued his ride.

 

* * *

  
  
It was three in the afternoon and James came back from the pond. He tried to fish, but all he got was a memory about him and the scrawny version of Steve, trying to fish in the East River, which ended with Steve falling into the river and being sick for the next week. They never tried to fish again.  
  
In his little safe house he stored the fishing rod away, turned the radio on and switched the laptop on, he would have to order some fish, when he heard a noise at the door.  
Quickly he pulled two knives out and slowly walked over to the wall, which was perfectly placed to hide behind, with a clear view to the door, presumably exactly for that purpose.  
There was the sound of keys in the lock. Keys? Only Clint had keys as far as James knew, but Clint would have told him wouldn't he?  
The door opened and a voice said "James, it's me, Clint. Don't shoot me", a quiet bark, "or my dog."

  
James lowered the weapons and stepped in front of the wall. There was his soul mate, looking like the picture on his twitter, holding a brown, big dog on the collar.   
Well not exactly as the picture. He looked  more tired, like he hadn't slept enough over a longer time, and he hadn't shaved for a few days.   
James wasn't sure what he should think about this. Clint just appeared here, in his house, but in the last weeks it had become James' too. The first place in years, which really felt like home. He had brought his dog and in a black duffle bag, which hung over his shoulder, were probably clothes. So James thought he planned to stay for some time.

They both stood there, looking at each other awkwardly, not sure what to do or to say. Lucky barked shortly and Clint remembered that he still hold him on his collar so he let the dog go. Lucky made a beeline for James, standing tail wagging in front of him. He petted the dog’s head and tried to say something to the other man.  
“Close the door behind you, will you? I’m not gonna hurt you, pinky promise”, he finally said and shove the knives back into his pocket and boot. Clint’s blue eyes followed the movement before his gaze returned to his dog for a second and then he turned around to close the door. Still with his back to James he told him that the dog’s name was Lucky.  
"Lucky, what kind of name for a dog is that?” Talking about the dog seemed to be a safe topic.  
“The mob guys I rescued him from, had named him Arrow-”  
“You gotta be kidding me!”  
“- and he was lucky to survive being thrown into the traffic, so Lucky seemed to fit. He will also react if you say pizza.” Quickly Lucky moved his head to look hopefully at Clint, searching for food. “See. Told you. - Uhm, so you may wonder why I’m here, maybe also why I didn’t tell you before.”  
"Yeah would be nice. But let's move into the living room."  
  
James led the way to the big couch and sat on one end while Lucky jumped up quickly after him and laid the head into his lap. The dog clearly liked him already.  
Clint considered sitting next to Lucky for a moment before he sat down in the chair opposite of the couch.

  
"Uhm. Yeah. I thought if I tell you I'm on my way here, you would maybe run away. So I just drove over. Don't worry, except Natasha, no one knows that I'm here."  
"I don't know if I had left. I really like it here." Also he didn't know where to go, especially, with all those flashbacks. "That still doesn't explain why you even wanted to come here."  
Clint seemed nervous as he pushed with a hand through his hair, and James could see something purple around his ears but he didn't ask. He know already that his soul mate was a trained spy and worked for SHIELD, whatever made him nervous couldn't mean anything good for James.   
Had he broken his promise and told someone else where they could find him? Was Steve Rogers already one his way to get him? Or was there military too, to bring him to jail or something like that. Who knew what they would do with a super soldier assassin like him. Should he fight them when they tried to get him?  
James didn't know what he would do, but before he could think about it even more Clint finally talked.  
  
"You said something about nightmares and flashbacks. I have nightmares and rarely panic attacks. I recently learned that being around your soul mate helps with this stuff. I don't know, Tony just told me how much better his PTSD  is with Steve around and how much worse it gets when he isn't, and - I just want to sleep a full night again, you know? And I thought, well, let's try this? I don't know, I'm just sick of two hours sleep every night."  
"Wait, that's all?"  
"Isn't that strange enough?"  
"Man, I thought you told Rogers or the military where to find me!"  
"Why should I do that?"  
" I don't know?!?"   
They both laughed and the tension in the room lifted a little bit.  
James didn't have to fear leaving the house. Clint just wanted to stay here too. That wasn't a problem. If it really helped him with that damn flashbacks, he would welcome Clint with open arms.  
  
"Okay so you are only here because you think being around each other will help us. Sounds like a plan. I wanted to finish painting your fence after lunch.” His attempt to change the topic was transparent but Clint didn’t mind.  
"I saw that you repaired it. Why? You don't have to do that!"   
"I know but I like to, doing something productive, repaying you for letting me live here. Something like that."  
"Okay, that’s cool”, Clint said awkwardly.

With that they went to work. First they paint the fence in a clean white again, and then when the sun went down they cooked dinner. Well James cooked and told Clint how he could help. Besides that the two men didn't talked much the whole day and just worked silently but comfortable besides each other.


End file.
